You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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