uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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