Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
