We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
