Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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