woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You ate ashes out of my bong
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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