if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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