Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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