i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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