well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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