so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
