If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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