OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this just has baby written all over it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
