he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
