You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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