if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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