Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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