i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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