It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I will be naked everywhere
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
