I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
