The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
50% drunk capacity currently
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
