did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
