woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
