what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
