I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drake has all the answers
Terrible idea I love it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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