just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
