why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
