Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
