btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
