If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
