What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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