im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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