i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
