everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
