if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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