Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
