I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
