So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
