we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
