Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
