i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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