Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
