I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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