she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
