I am in a vortex of obligation.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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