so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
