who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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