dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
