Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
