Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
