Just fell off a train. Bad.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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