I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
