The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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