I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
