the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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