The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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