I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
