I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
