I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
