My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
