My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Welp...herpes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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