Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
