are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
