okay pat passed out under dana's car
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
