i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
