I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
