dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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