New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
