I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Randomize
