...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
