dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
