Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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