My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize