xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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