How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
