I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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