Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
