I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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