i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
