Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
