My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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