Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
