Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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