im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
