Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
