Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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