I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize