The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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