You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
